Words can cut deep when post-traumatic stress is part of the picture, even with the best intentions. We’re FearLess, a charity here to help people living with post-traumatic stress—and their families—find a way forward. We’re cutting through the clutter to show you what not to say, what to say instead, and why it’s a game-changer. Let’s lift each other up, not push each other away.
Post-traumatic stress can make even simple chats feel like a battlefield for families across Australia and New Zealand. One misstep, and the distance grows. At FearLess, we work with everyone touched by post-traumatic stress—those living with it, their loved ones, and community members keen to make a difference. Our mission? To make life more enjoyable and fulfilling for all. Here’s how to nail your words and strengthen your support.
1. Don’t Say: “Just get over it.”
Do Say: “I’m here with you—however long it takes.”
Post-traumatic stress isn’t a hurdle you leap over. It’s a lasting mark from trauma—think service, accidents, or violence. Pushing someone to move on fast ignores that reality. Show you’re in it together, no rush.
Post-traumatic stress isn’t a hurdle you leap over. It’s a lasting mark from trauma—think service, accidents, or violence. Pushing someone to move on fast ignores that reality. Show you’re in it together, no rush.
2. Don’t Say: “You seem fine to me.”
Do Say: “How are you holding up today?”
Post-traumatic stress often hides—racing thoughts or sleepless nights tucked behind a steady front. Questioning it shuts them down. A quick, open check-in says you’re paying attention.
Post-traumatic stress often hides—racing thoughts or sleepless nights tucked behind a steady front. Questioning it shuts them down. A quick, open check-in says you’re paying attention.
3. Don’t Say: “Why can’t you relax?”
Do Say: “I’m here, whether you want to talk or not.”
Relaxing’s no easy feat when your mind’s stuck on alert. Asking why piles on guilt. Quiet, steady support cuts through the noise for someone facing post-traumatic stress.
Relaxing’s no easy feat when your mind’s stuck on alert. Asking why piles on guilt. Quiet, steady support cuts through the noise for someone facing post-traumatic stress.
4. Don’t Say: “It’s all in your head.”
Do Say: “That sounds bloody tough—how can I back you up?”
Post-traumatic stress might spark in the mind, but it’s as real as a busted knee. Dismissing it hurts. Call it what it is—tough—and offer a hand.
Post-traumatic stress might spark in the mind, but it’s as real as a busted knee. Dismissing it hurts. Call it what it is—tough—and offer a hand.
5. Don’t Say: “I know how you feel.”
Do Say: “I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I’m listening.”
Unless you’ve walked through post-traumatic stress, you don’t know. Pretending you do can backfire. Stay real, keep your ears open—that’s the strength they need.
Unless you’ve walked through post-traumatic stress, you don’t know. Pretending you do can backfire. Stay real, keep your ears open—that’s the strength they need.
Why It Counts
Over a million Aussies live with post-traumatic stress, and their families feel the weight too. The right words can shift the load from heavy to hopeful. For extra insight, check Beyond Blue’s PTSD guide—it’s a solid starting point.
About FearLess & Disclaimer
FearLess is a charity supporting people living with the consequences of post-traumatic stress (often called PTSD) and their families. Our community includes those with post-traumatic stress, their loved ones, and anyone wanting to make life more enjoyable and fulfilling for them. We complement other organisations and government services helping this crew across Australia and New Zealand. This post is here to inform, not to replace professional medical advice. Don’t skip seeing a qualified healthcare pro for your own situation—nothing here should delay or override their guidance.
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