How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself: A Case for More Self-Compassion


We all experience moments of self-doubt and criticism. But too much self-criticism can lead to feelings of low self-worth and self-loathing. The key to regaining a sense of inner peace and confidence is to practice more self-compassion. Self-compassion is the practice of being kind and understanding towards yourself, even when you make mistakes or feel inadequate. In this blog post, we’ll explore the benefits of self-compassion and look at some ways to cultivate more of it in your life.

The definition of self-compassion

Self-compassion is the ability to be kind and understanding to yourself when faced with difficult situations or mistakes. It involves being aware of your suffering and taking a balanced approach to it without judgment or criticism. This means treating yourself with kindness and respect, as you would treat a good friend.

The concept of self-compassion has its roots in Buddhist teachings, although it is not necessarily a religious practice. It can be seen as a form of self-love or self-care, where one takes the time to recognize and validate their own feelings, rather than trying to deny them or ignore them.

The main components of self-compassion are mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. Mindfulness involves being aware of your feelings and thoughts without judgment. Common humanity means understanding that everyone experiences pain and suffering in life, and self-kindness is being gentle and accepting towards yourself.

The benefits of self-compassion

Self-compassion is the practice of being kind and understanding to yourself in the face of difficult emotions, challenges, and failures. It is an important skill to cultivate in order to reduce suffering and increase happiness. Studies have found that self-compassion has a range of positive benefits, including:

  1. Improved emotional well-being: Self-compassion leads to greater emotional resilience and less emotional suffering. It can help you cope with negative feelings such as sadness, anger, and disappointment, and foster feelings of contentment and acceptance.
  2. Increased motivation: Self-compassion has been linked to improved motivation and greater dedication to long-term goals. When we are compassionate towards ourselves, we are more likely to take risks and stretch ourselves beyond our comfort zone.
  3. More meaningful relationships: Self-compassion encourages us to be more compassionate towards others, which can lead to deeper and more meaningful relationships. It also helps us practice empathy and better understand the perspective of others.
  4. Better physical health: Self-compassion helps us become more aware of our body and its needs, leading to healthier lifestyle choices. People who practice self-compassion have lower levels of stress hormones, improved immune function, and lower blood pressure.

Self-compassion can help us lead happier, healthier, and more meaningful lives. It is an essential skill to learn and develop in order to reduce suffering and increase wellbeing.

Why we are hard on ourselves

We are often our own harshest critic, and it’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of self-criticism. We can be so hard on ourselves that we don’t even recognize how badly we are treating ourselves. So why do we do this?

One reason is because we are trying to motivate ourselves. We think that if we harshly criticize ourselves, we will be more likely to change our behavior or take action. However, self-criticism can have the opposite effect. Research has shown that self-criticism can actually hinder our progress towards our goals, as it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and helplessness.

Other times, we may be hard on ourselves because we have internalized messages from our upbringing or from society at large. We may feel like we need to be perfect or that anything less than perfection is unacceptable. As a result, we judge and criticize ourselves for any perceived flaws or mistakes.

Finally, we may be hard on ourselves because we want to avoid feeling vulnerable. We think that if we are critical of ourselves, then others won’t be able to point out our shortcomings. This thought process can lead us to be overly critical of ourselves and not give ourselves the space to make mistakes or learn from them.

Self-criticism can be difficult to break out of, but it is possible with some effort and intention. Understanding why we are so hard on ourselves can help us find more productive ways of motivating ourselves and building our self-esteem.

How to be more self-compassionate

Self-compassion can be a challenging concept to grasp, but it doesn’t have to be. There are simple steps you can take to cultivate more self-compassion in your life.

  1. Talk to yourself with kindness: We often talk to ourselves in ways that we would never talk to others. Instead of engaging in negative self-talk, be mindful and practic
  2. talking to yourself with kindness and understanding. Use affirmations and positive language to remind yourself of your strengths and potential.Put yourself first: Practicing self-care and putting your needs first are important aspects of self-compassion. Make time for yourself and do things that make you feel good.
  3. Give yourself credit: We often tend to overlook our accomplishments or minimize them. It’s important to recognize your successes, no matter how small they may seem. Celebrate them and give yourself credit for your hard work.
  4. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is a key part of self-compassion. Be present in the moment and focus on your breath. Accept any thoughts or feelings that come up without judgment. Acknowledge any negative thoughts or emotions you may be experiencing, but remember that they don’t define who you are.
  5. Seek support: It’s OK to ask for help when you need it. Connect with friends, family, or a mental health professional who can offer support. Knowing that someone is there for you can help you develop a more compassionate outlook towards yourself.

By using these strategies, you can learn to be more compassionate towards yourself and create a healthier relationship with your inner self. Self-compassion takes practice, but with time and effort, you can become more accepting and forgiving of yourself.

About FearLess

FearLess is a charity that works with people living with the consequences of post traumatic stress (often referred to as PTSD). We also help family members in any way affected by it. Our community members come from all walks of life including those living with PTSD and their families or people who want to do their bit to make the lives of people living with post traumatic stress more enjoyable and fulfilling. Our work complements the activities of other community-based organisations and government agencies that provide services to people with post traumatic stress.

This website has been established to provide information about PTSD to the Australian and New Zealand community. The website’s content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. You should seek the advice of an appropriately qualified healthcare professional before making decisions about your own circumstances. You should not disregard professional medical advice, or delay seeking it, because of any information contained on this website.

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